People hearing without listening

This phrase comes from the song 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘚𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 by 𝘚𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘯 & 𝘎𝘢𝘳𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘭, which appeared on their 1966 album 𝘚𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘚𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. Interestingly, its message may be even more relevant today.

A few years ago, I came across a social media post making the point that many conflicts arise because people Listen to Respond, Not to Understand.

Both statements tell the same story.

Listen to Respond, Not to Understand is something we see everywhere in our lives. Think about the business meetings you attend. How often do people listen while preparing their response. But this is not limited to the business world. You can experience the same thing at meetings of your local sports or music club, whether it is a formal meeting or an informal gathering at the club bar. You can even experience it when sharing a drink or a meal with your friends.

So, what does it mean?

Listen to Respond means that while one person is speaking, the others are already thinking about what they are going to say next. Instead of fully focusing on the speaker, they are mentally preparing their own response.

𝘕𝘰𝘸, 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵.

You focus entirely on what the other person is saying, without already preparing your response. You simply listen, giving them your full attention. And when they have finished speaking, you ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of their perspective.

This is what we call Listen to Understand.

Coming back to our opening statement, Listen to Respond is essentially Hearing Without Listening, while Listen to Understand is truly listening.

So, next time you find yourself in a conversation, try something different.

𝙇𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙, 𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙍𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙣𝙙

– The HAANA founding team: Alejandro Villazon Pineda, Jürgen Mohr, Liane Grassi, Maria Marshall-Clarke –